‘Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales’ Review

As I sat through the closing credits for a movie I had just watched but barely understood, hoping to see a stinger promising a sequel to a picture I more or less hated, I realized that I hate myself.

What else would explain why—after two-plus hours of randomly agglomerated computer generated nonsense tied loosely together by the mincings of an actor who long ago stopped putting any real thought into the character he is trotting out now for the fifth time—I remained in my seat, waiting to see if Captain Jack Sparrow would grace us with his presence once more? Assuming, that is, Dead Men Tell No Tales does as well as its predecessors at the global box office.

That's a shockingly high hurdle to clear, by the way. The last three Pirates of the Caribbean movies have all either earned...

Proper Review
May 26th 2017
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